Benevolent Misanthropy

Not Really Seth Godin: You know, in order to succeed in Today’s Business Environment, what you really need to do is Be Remarkable™.

Me: Um.

NRSG: And do you know what you need in order to Be Remarkable™?

Me:A banal, trite, trademarkable phrase that can substitute for actual insight gained from difficult analysis and thought?

NRSG: No—

Me: A flashy, hip term disguising an exceptionally common, unoriginal idea?

NRSG: No—

Me:How about a pseudo-zen koan, something you can repeat and repeat over and over and over in your books until the reader is hypnotized or put to sleep?

NRSG: No! What you need is a Purple Cow™!

Me: …

NRSG: A Purple Cow™. In order to Be Remarkable™.

Me: Dude. I live in an apartment. A tiny one. In a subtropical city built on swampland. That is a smell I do not want to deal with, whatever the color.

NRSG: No, no, not an actual purple cow. A Purple Cow™.

Me: purple cow?

NRSG: No: Purple Cow™.

Me: Purple Cow™.

NRSG: Right. Purple Cow™.

Me: Fine, I’ll bite: What is a Purple Cow™?

NRSG: It’s anything that helps you Be Remarkable™.

Me: …

NRSG: If you’re Remarkable™, you succeed. Simple.

Me: Wow, you can ™ a single, properly spelled word?

NRSG: Only if you repeat it often enough. Remarkable™, huh?

Me: Remarkable.

NRSG: No: Remarkable™.

Me: …

NRSG: Then, once your Purple Cow™ has made you Remarkable™, you can take it to the next level—

Me: No ™ for that one, huh?

NRSG: The application was denied, it’s too widely used. Anyway, to take it to the next level, you’ve got to have a Free Prize Inside™.

Me: Kind of tough to do with a service business.

NRSG: Not a real free prize inside, but my new concept: Free Prize Inside™.

Me: And that concept is…?

NRSG: A Free Prize Inside™ is anything that makes people want to buy what you’re selling.

Me: That’s it?

NRSG: See how simple it is?

Me: How much are you making off these blazing new concepts? Six figures?

NRSG: Probably seven, what with consulting fees and speeches and whatnot.

Me: Is that why you’re so insufferably smug?

NRSG: You bet. Now, in order to market properly, you need to Tell a Story, and it must be Authentic™, whether or not it’s true.

Me: I’m a bit punchy. Can we stop now?

NRSG: Sure. Let me just leave you with the Take Home: Be Remarkable™. Purple Cow™. Remarkable™. Purple Cow™. Purple Cow™. Purple Cow™. Free Prize Inside™. And be sure to Tell Authentic™ Stories.

Me: I think my brain’s leaking out my ear.

NRSG: That just may be your Purple Cow™! It’s certainly Remarkable™.

Gunshot.